I was channel surfing this morning and briefly came across a news piece that ran sound bites of the Republican presidential candidates wives. One of the clips came from John Huntsman's wife, Mary Kaye. She was asked what it's like campaigning with their seven children. She gracefully smiled and said that it was "joy".
I just about threw up.
The Huntsman's children range in age from 26 to 5, so I'm sure that not ALL of them are on the campaign trail with them all of the time. I'm also sure that for the most part, the family is having a good time and finding ways to bond together and become closer as a family. But "joy"?
Please.
As a woman, I have a hard enough time trying to keep my own life (family, church and school) in balance. I don't have time to put on airs, to pretend that my life is perfect, and I certainly don't need anyone blowing smoke at me.
Mary Kaye Huntsman is a good woman, to be sure. She supports her husband in his political pursuits, no matter where they may take him; and anyone who adopts a child is truly a savior to that child, as the Huntsman's are to their youngest. So don't misunderstand my rant to be bashing on her in particular. Mary Kaye also may have gone on to say other things and I only heard her in just that particular clip. But that phrase really irritated me.
Tell me like it is.
Tell me that there are fun times, but there are also times when you want to just turn on the TV for the kids and head for the hills. Or the mall. Or just the bathroom. And never come back.
Tell me that there are moments that bring you to your knees, pleading with God to just stick with you for one hour more, because if He doesn't, one of your children may meet Him sooner than later.
Tell me that sometimes the sweetest times come after the worst times, when the proverbial sun comes out from the rain and a rainbow appears.
Tell me that it's o.k. to fall into a heap of tears when the pressures of motherhood, wifedom, and womanhood come crashing down on you all at the same time.
Tell me your children have flaws that grate on your nerves, that your husband forgets to do the small things, and that you feel lonely in a crowd of people at times.
Tell me that you often are exhausted, that you feel on the brink of an emotional collapse, and that if your cell phone rings again or you get one more text, you're going to chuck it into the nearest body of water.
Please tell me you feel these things.
Because I often do. And I don't hide it or try to make it seem as though everything is hunky-dory.
And if someone asks, I tell them the truth.
So please tell me that yes, it's hard. I know there are moments of happiness and times of joy. But there are also days of struggle and hours of heartache.
I just lean on the Lord through the heartache to get to the joy.
Then I revel in it.
Because I know the next hill on this rollercoaster ride is just around the corner.
I remember years ago watching an episode of Oprah that was just for mothers to chat about motherhood. One of the ladies that was featured was a mother of grown children and she was one of those "joy" people. She said she honestly loved every second of motherhood and couldn't remember anything hard about it. The entire audience hated her guts and said to her a lot of the things you are saying in this post. By the end of the show, the poor demonized woman was crying and saying stuff like, "Why is everyone so angry because I loved every moment of motherhood? I really did! Why did I have to hate life and dwell on the hard stuff to be accepted by you all?" That really struck a chord with me and I've thought about that a lot over the years.
ReplyDeleteI think as women, we like to vent and feel like our hardships are normal. We can't stand it when people claim ease where we feel hardships. At the time, I agreed with the audience and felt like that lady was a delusional fool. But as I've pondered it over the years, I've come to understand that some people actually feel so much joy that they just take the hard stuff in stride. It's not that they don't have it, they just take the bad with the good as part of the experience. I don't think they really are delusional, they just have a different way of thinking about things. And I don't think they're putting on airs or trying to look perfect either. I've noticed that some people just naturally think positive like that. I am definitely not one of them; I'm more like you. But I no longer feel upset by them because I stopped comparing myself, my life, and my perceptions to theirs and started appreciating their positive thinking...and let's be honest, I stopped feeling threatened by them. It's okay to have different perceptions than others. It's okay to be more moved by those women who acknowledge their hardships openly. But don't forget to acknowledge that everyone isn't like you. There are those who don't feel moved by "straight talk" at all. Neither way of thinking is bad and one way isn't better than the other. Just different.
Oh I feel all of those things almost on a daily basis! I grew up with a Pollyanna for a mother, she always accentuated the positive and still does to this day. It is a wonderful quality, but sometimes I just want to shake her...in a loving way of course. For example she just had some minor surgery to remove some skin cancer, she had some complications but didn't tell ANYONE, including her children until after the fact because everything always has to be hunky dory!
ReplyDeleteHowever I must focus on the joy or else I would melt into a puddle of stress and emotions because motherhood is SO HARD...but it is also the greatest job in the world and I wouldn't trade the hard stuff for anything, but that is why it brings such JOY is because it is so difficult! I am actually glad Mary Kay said, "Joy" because so many in our world think children are such an inconvenience that have to be endured rather than enjoyed and cherished.
I truly wish more women would be more honest about how challenging, frustrating, and rewarding it is to be a woman, mother and wife in this time of the world. I feel like I am so short of the bar some days that it is not even worth trying. I will never be a size 2...NEVER. I have children with so much potential, but forget to turn in homework. Then I remember I have a husband who loves me and thinks I am beautiful, no matter what size my jeans are. I have children who care for each other and stand up for each other. And, most importantly, I have a Savior who will take care of the rest if I just do my best always. So yes, life is tough, but it is good...so good.
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