2012 and Resolution

This quote from Sis. Hinckley pretty much sums up my feelings for 2012.  The blessings and lessons I've learned from this year could not have been taught in any other way.  I have dug into the scriptures more than ever for answers.  I have searched the words of the prophets to explain why God does what He does.  I have prayed more, fasted more and sought His help to endure.  By no means does this make me a more righteous person.  Sometimes, it feels like the opposite as prayers I've offered seem to go unanswered.  But I continue to hold on to God's promises.  There is a song by Michael McLean that is perfect for me now.

"What I Need"

All I ever wanted,

All I ever dreamed of,

Everything I hoped and all the things I prayed for

Couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given,

I've been given what I need.

A mansion on the hill or love like in the movies

Perfect little lives, where no one has a problem

Instead of all those things I thought I really wanted

I've been given what I need.

Even when I didn't understand,

When I thought you had no heart,

Thank you for rejecting my demand

And always giving me the better part.

All I ever wanted,

All I ever dreamed of,

Everything I hoped and all the things I prayed for

Couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given

I've been given what I need.

Now a new year.....and hopefully a new beginning....is dawning.  I have just one resolution for this year.  No matter what, no matter where, I will try every day to do this one thing:

I will try and take what God has in store for me and my family and make the most of it.  I will flourish under His care and I will try (VERY HARD) not to complain.  He is the Master Gardener, and I am a simple seed in His Garden.

So, here's to a better 2013.  May she be a might bit better than the last and may we all find joy and happiness when she ends.

Top Five Personal Events of 2012

1.  I ran my first (and second) 5K race.

This was a goal that I set for myself last year and am very glad that I completed.  Friends have urged me to now go on and run a 10K...but I still don't love running.  And I don't have time in the morning to train for something that far.  I'm not writing that type of race off, but it's just not for me.  Not right now.

2.  I watched my children grow up a little bit more.

Between Brianna's trip to Ecuador, Zacharry's entry into high school and Noodle moving up to middle school, I've seen my children mature and take on more grown up responsibilities.  I've also seen glimpses of the great people Heavenly Father intends them to be.  Those glimpses leave me awe-struck that I, in my flawed state, get to be their mother.  A daunting task that only I can do with my husband, and God's help.

3.  I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary.

I have seen people I care about divorce over the years and seeing how tenuous a marriage relationship can be, causes me to be supremely grateful for my husband, and for his ability to overlook my faults.  We were sealed in the Logan temple on a chilly December morning twenty years ago, but that sealing means nothing if we don't begin eternity here on earth, by building and strengthening our relationship now.  I try everyday to not take Scott for granted and to remember how much I love him.  My job is to make his life easier and I hope that I am succeeding.

4.  I played in concert with Jenny Oaks Baker.  And my parents were there!

I have been a member of the North Las Vegas Stake Orchestra for the past several years.  With my schooling beginning to intensify, I made the decision that this year would be my last with the Orchestra.  My parents live in Idaho and it is hard for them to come down to see our concerts.  Jenny Oaks Baker, a world-class violinist, chose to perform with the orchestra in October.  That was the push that my parents needed to come down to see me play.  My mother is a HUGE fan of Sis. Baker and she even had the opportunity to meet her and get her picture taken with her.  It was a great concert and gratifying to see the look on my mom's face as she met with this gracious and talented musician.

5.  I discovered God knows me, He knows my family's needs, and He gives me what I need.  Not necessarily what I want, but what I need.

This has been a tough lesson to learn....and one that I am still in the process of learning.  All that has transpired in my life this year has cause me to lean on my Heavenly Father for support and strength.  I've prayed for many things that have not come to pass, which is difficult to understand.  However, He has not forgotten me and has always provided for me.  Not in the ways that I prayed for, but for the ways He knew would be best for me.  I am eager to see the path that He will take our family down this new year, and to see if I'm the same in a year that I am right now.  I'm pretty sure that I will be a different person, and hopefully one who is even more faithful to Him.

Five Best Peterson Pictures of 2012

As I document each year through pictures, there are always a few that stand out.  I recently scrolled through iPhoto, and I realized there were some pretty amazing moments that were captured this year.  And there was a bonus moment that I'm including....a photo bomb that is pretty dang funny.

1.  Team Bald

A family in my church had their 6-year-old son diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma last December.  His aggressive treatments would leave him weak, sick, and without his hair.  Many of the men and boys in our church decided to show their support for him and shave their heads.  My three men were a part of it and I was so proud of them.  It was January and COLD (Scott wore a beanie to bed for a while because his head got chilly), but I know the family appreciated all those who sacrificed their hair in solidarity for that cute little boy.
(As a footnote, he bravely fought this disease and his prognosis is excellent!)

2.  Meeting Elaine Dalton

It's been mine and Brianna's tradition for the past five years to attend the Young Women's broadcast in Salt Lake City.  It's always the last weekend in March and we make it a total Girls Weekend.  Shopping, eating, shopping, eating...oh, and going to the broadcast....it's pure bonding with my Girlie.  This year we were especially fortunate.  On Sunday morning, we went to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's weekly broadcast taping and Sis. Dalton was there.  (Sis. Dalton is the General Young Women's President.)  It was announced that she would meet with any young women there after the Choir's performance.  We waited for nearly an hour for Brianna's turn and it was absolutely worth every minute!  Sis. Dalton's eyes sparkle with the Light of Christ and we could feel the love that she has for the youth of the church.  It was a moment neither of us will forget.

3.  My Baby Moves On

My youngest child, Noodle, completed elementary school this past June.  All three of my children have attended this school and it is a great school.   It was such a sweet moment when his teacher choked back tears as she called his name for advancement into middle school.  While he may be a bit naive and developmentally behind due to autism, our Noodle exudes love and he has a way of getting into your heart in a way that no one else can.  He had many teachers patiently help him through elementary school and I'm thankful for every single one of them.

4.  Brianna Travels the World

We sent Brianna on a humanitarian experience this past summer.  For 16 days.  To Ecuador.  Without us.  This picture was taken at the airport when we realized we couldn't accompany her any farther.  We both hugged and kissed her and then watched her walk away.  As soon as she was out of sight, we both broke down and cried, and wondered how we're going to act when she leaves on a mission!  She is growing up so fast and we have to start letting her go, little by little.  It was a  tough moment, to be sure.  But she came back more mature, and with a better understanding of how blessed she is.

5.  Like Father, Like Son

With Scott's new job came a longer work week and much less time off.  We took advantage of his day off on Labor Day (he didn't get Independence Day off!) and went up to Mt. Charleston on a family hike.  Scott and Zac, with their long legs, dusted us pretty quick.  I snagged this because it struck me how much Zac is like his father...even down to the way they way walk.  I also can't resist a good butt shot.

BONUS!  The Best Photo Bomb of 2012

Every July 4th, I always march our kiddos out into the backyard and take a picture of them sitting on the grass.  This year, our dog Bailee decided that she needed a bit of exercise and went on what we call "a tear"....where she essentially runs in a figure 8 around the yard AS FAST AS SHE CAN.  She went on this "tear" right as I was trying to take the kids' picture...and the Best Photo Bomb of the Year was created.

There were lots of other great pictures from this year and it was hard to whittle it down to just five, but those five mean the most to me because of the growth we've seen in our family, both as a group and individually.  I'm also so glad for my iPhone....I've always got a camera, which makes these memories possible.

Top Five Girly Products of 2012

With our belt-tightening this year, I found that spending smart became more important than ever.  Products must be worth the price I pay....squandering money is foolish!  So here are my top five beauty products of 2012, and they are worth every penny!

1.  Bobbi Brown Foundation
As my skin is changing from young to old(ish), my much-loved BareMinerals foundation doesn't work as well as it once did.  I will still use it (I pair it with Dr. Jart's Water Fuse Beauty Balm, but it leaves me shiny after a few hours), but it doesn't last or hold up like this foundation does.  I prime with Kat Von D's Rehab Priming Elixir, and I'm good to go all day long....which is usually from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m.!  It's a light-to-medium coverage foundation and feels so good on my skin, like there's nothing there!  Highly recommend.

2.  bareMinerals bareVitamins Skin Rev-er Upper
I have used this for many years as a basic moisturizer in the morning.  It's a little too light for me to use alone (I usually follow it with Sephora's Flawless Moisturizing lotion).  Earlier this year, I ran out and thought I didn't need it anymore....my skin would be fine without it.  However, after a few months (and a lot of personal turbulence and stress), my face was breaking out like I was 14 and I looked terrible.  I re-purchased this and my skin cleared up fairly quickly and it is back to normal (for me) again.  What makes it so magic?  It has not only vitamins, but glycolic and salicylic acids, which help keep breakouts at bay.  I'll never be without it again.

3.  Garnier Skin Renew Anti-Dark-Circle Roller
No matter how hard I try, I average about 5-6 hours of sleep a night.  Not nearly enough.  As a result, I have dark circles under my eyes.  Finding a good concealer that will de-puff my eyes is hard.  My eyes aren't too puffy, but those dark circles can be tough to cover!  This roller is great and a little goes a long way!  Just roll one direction, then the other....tap to smooth out the coverage and I'm done.  This is an awesome drugstore find.

4.  Sephora Supreme Cleansing Oil
Sounds counterproductive, right?  Cleansing OIL?  This stuff works great at removing all my makeup, and I use lots of waterproof, long-wearing cosmetics!  Warning, though....you WILL look like a zombie as you use it.  After you rub it all over your face and loosened up everything you applied, take a splash of water and it turns white to clean your face.  I do follow up with my favorite cleanser, and when I'm done, my skin feels so clean and soft!  But it's not dried out, which can happen often after washing.   Great stuff!

5.  Sephora Tinted Self-Tanning Body Mist
I'm not a sun worshipper.  After burning my way through summers as a teenager, I know that I've damaged my skin.  (I even had a really awful blister burn when I was 14...it took almost the whole summer to heal from it.)  While I don't tan, I don't much care for the pasty-white-frosting-like look on my poor legs either.  There are a ton of self-tanners on the market, but I found this one a year and a half ago and am completely in love with it.  No funny smell here!  It's easy to use and gives me a touch of color that looks natural and not orange.  Price-wise, it's close to what you'd pay in a drugstore....but the quality is much better.

There you are....give these a shot...you might love these as much as I do!

Top Five Songs of 2012

Now before you assume that I'm going to count down the top five MOST OVERPLAYED songs of the year.....stop it.  I listen to 95% of my music via Pandora, I Heart Radio, and Spotify.  I can't remember the last time I actually turned on the radio.  These songs may not have been popular this calendar year, either.  But they have some significance to me with various events that have taken place over the course of the year.  Who knows, maybe you'll find a new little gem for yourself in my list!


1.  "One Step At A Time" - Jordin Sparks
Patience.  One trait that seems impossibly unattainable to me.  This song talks about waiting for the time to be right.  So many things this year have just not happened when I thought they were supposed to.  And more often than not, things are slow to evolve, but all according to God's plan.  I just need to have faith and know it will all be o.k. in the end.


2.  "I'm Not Who I Was" - Brandon Heath
This song is simple, yet so powerful.  After Scott lost his job due to the actions of one parent, after the turmoil that followed, I found that I just am not the same person I was before everything turn a sharp left into chaos.  It talks about forgiveness, about working through hurt, and coming out on the other side better.  I'm not completely there yet, but I'm getting there.

3.  "Forever Unstoppable" - Hot Chelle Rae
Scott and I have been through a lot in our now 20 (TWENTY!) together.  We've had years when everything seems to fall apart and this year was especially difficult.  But we found that we pull together in hard times.  One will cry while the other comforts.  One will stand strong when the other falters.  This is absolutely how I feel about my husband.  We are unstoppable....we have conquered so much together.  I can't imagine going through trials without him.  I'm forever grateful to have him!

4.  "What Makes You Beautiful" - The Piano Guys
I have been a Piano Guys fan for years.  We saw them in concert last December for our 19th anniversary.  I'm so happy that they were able to make it to the Big Time this year....and I adore their version of this song.  After they put out their 'take' on popular songs, I usually can't stand the original...they do such a good job!  This is one of their best!

5.  "This City" - Patrick Stump
This spring, we were convinced that we were moving from Las Vegas.  We've lived here for 15 years.  Both of our sons were born here and our daughter was only 1-year-old when we moved from Northern Utah.  We are desert rats.  The thought of leaving was kind of exciting.  But when Scott found a job that kept us here, I discovered that I really do love living in Las Vegas.  There are things that I don't love, but I found that I'm a total City Girl.  There are many good and kind people here that have become our family.  And when I go running in the early dark-thirty of the morning, sometimes my route takes me to a hill that overlooks all of the lights of the Strip and I realize Las Vegas, despite it's problems, is a cool place to be.  (Except in the summer....then it's just stoopid hot.)

I'm a total music junkie and will always have music going wherever I am, but these are the songs that struck a chord with me this year.  I will say that there are honorable mentions that include OneRepublic's "Feel Again" (can't wait for the new album!), Ellie Goulding's "Anything Could Happen" (love the groove on this) and Lady Antebellum's "Wanted You More" (the tension in the harmonies just draw. me. in.)

Music is a major part of my life and I can't wait to see what comes out next year that catches my ear

Top Five Frugals of 2012

When my handsome hero (Scott) became unemployed this past spring, we were already experiencing a drop in income due to lack of tutoring hours for him.  It seems as though I'd been prepared for this....I'd pinterested TONS of DIY cleaners, food things, and other money saving tips.  So when the job loss came, we tightened up a bit more and I found a few more ways to live cheaply frugally.  Here are the best ones for your perusal.  These have been tried and true here in PackerwidowLand...so no guessing for you if they work, because they do!

1.  Toilet bowl cleaner
Cleaning products are one area that you don't have to spend money on to have something that effectively cleans and deodorizes.  This is one is awesome!  I use a bottle from Seventh Generation (because the top is easily removed) to make this.  There are several possible issues that I've learned to deal with:  (1) The top spouty part can eventually get clogged.  I tried soaking it for several hours in hot water.  I ran it through the dishwasher.  No luck.  So I ended up purchasing another bottle of toilet cleaner from Seventh Generation to be able to make my own again.  But making my own cleaner and needing a new bottle to mix it in every six months or so is still quite cost effective.  (2) The mixture can get really thick and stuck in the bottom of the bottle.  This is easily resolved by just adding a small amount of water and shaking the living daylights out of it.  You'll want to shake it before every use anyway just to make sure the ingredients are mixed together properly.

2.  Homemade pizza dough and sauce
Just about every Friday night is pizza night in the Peterson home.  I used to buy DiGiorno pizzas to pop in the oven because frankly, by the time Friday night rolls around, I'm pooped and too lazy to do much else.  But those pizzas are $6-7 EACH and it just doesn't make sense to spend that kind of money on something that I can make in really very little time (and in advance).  I also can make it healthier because I don't add preservatives!  So here's the dough recipe I use.  I love it because I can make it early in the day, stick it in the fridge, and then pull it out (or have one of the kiddos pull it out) early in the afternoon and then whip up a quick pizza that night.  The sauce?  Easy.  A can of tomato sauce, and add onion, garlic, basil, oregano, and a dash of pepper.  Voila!  One can of tomato sauce will do two pizzas for us.

3.  Window cleaner
This is one thing that was a trial-and-error.  There are lots of different versions of glass cleaner out there, but this one really works.  It smells different than you'd expect glass cleaner to smell like, but I don't even notice it anymore.  I use microfiber cloths (have for YEARS) to clean glass and just about everything else.  Using those decreases our paper towel bill AND is good for the environment.  Bonus!

4.  Febreze
This is one of my favorite frugals!  I love having a fresh-smelling house...especially when I'm done cleaning.  But Febreze is stinking expensive!  This is so simple to mix up and it really does the job!  Plus you can make it whatever scent you love doing your laundry with.  I personally don't use liquid fabric softener anymore, so one bottle will last me FOREVER in faux-Febreze!

5.  Sugar body scrub
This is something I've been making and using for YEARS.  I've seen lots of different variations, but mine is as simple as it gets.  Get a jar or container that you can keep in the shower (I have a philosophy scrub jar from eons ago that I just refill) and fill it 2/3 with plain ol' white sugar.  Then grab your favorite body wash.  You can go on the cheap or expensive.  Whatever floats your boat.  I like to use something fruity smelling.  But it's entirely up to you.  Anyway, squirt a couple of tablespoons (don't actually measure it...just eyeball it) into the container.  Use a STURDY spoon and mix and mix and mix.  You'll want the consistency to be a thick paste.  Too runny?  Add more sugar.  Too thick?  Add more body wash.  I use this 3-4 times a week (after I've soaped and rinsed) and then follow with a good body butter to really treat your skin well.  I love the body butters here.

Well, that's it.  Being frugal has been kind of a fun adventure and I'm not ashamed to admit to being more frugal now than I've ever been.  I prefer to spend money on items that are worth it, and there's lots out there that just ISN'T.

Merry Christmas

I know that my post from a few days ago left some wondering what my deal is.  The truth is I am still struggling to come to grips with the trials the Lord blessed me and my family with this year.

Most days I'm fine.

But there are some days when I just want to cry.
I beg my Father for relief.
To please make this stop.....make things the way they were.

But then I realize I'm still His work in progress and I must wait.

Much like those two thousand years ago waited for their Relief to come.
To rescue them from their trials.

Thinking about this today caused me to look up the words to the Christmas hymn "O Come, O Come Emmanuel."
They truly seem to speak to me now.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,

And ransom captive Israel,

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,

Who orderest all things mightily;

To us the path of knowledge show,

And teach us in her ways to go.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free

Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;

From depths of hell Thy people save,

And give them victory over the grave.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here;

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,

And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,

And open wide our heavenly home;

Make safe the way that leads on high,

And close the path to misery.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, great Lord of might,

Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height

In ancient times once gave the law

In cloud and majesty and awe.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,

An ensign of Thy people be;

Before Thee rulers silent fall;

All peoples on Thy mercy call.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Desire of nations, bind

In one the hearts of all mankind;

Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,

And be Thyself our King of Peace.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

For those who wait to be freed from whatever may bind, may you find peace this Christmas, knowing He came to earth, He died to pay our debts, and He lives to comfort, understand and love us.

I am grateful for the peace this knowledge brings.  I know that someday, I will be free from not only my current tribulations, but from all worldly sorrows and cares.  His infinite sacrifice for me leaves me humbled and I will forever praise His name.

May you feel His love and have a wonderful Christmas.

Anniversary Day

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary.

In a way, it doesn't seem that long.

And in a way, it does.

There are things I've learned over the years....and keep in mind that I'm no expert when it comes to wedded bliss.  But I'm pretty sure these are universal.

(1)  Overlook the small flaws.  Everyone has them.  Me included.  Thankfully, my beloved looks past them.

(2)  Laugh!  Humor helps diffuse tension and can melt away stress.

(3)  Communicate, never assume, and remember your spouse CAN'T READ YOUR MIND.  Even after having been together for 20 years, I don't know my husband through and though.  I still ask him what some of his favorite things are, because sometimes, favorites change.  If I need him to do something, I don't wait for him to know what I'm thinking.  I ask!

(4)  Remember that life is a roller coaster.  It will go up and down.  It will be thrilling and scary.  It will make you cry.  Share those things TOGETHER.  They will bring you closer together.

(5)  GO ON DATES.  We wasted quite a few years not dating and didn't realize how badly our relationship needs that.  It gives us a chance to reconnect, discuss how we can be better parents, and be grown ups!

Are there more?  Sure.  But it's up to you to figure them out and apply it to your own marriage.

We aren't perfect in our relationship, but we keep trying because someday, we know we can be.

I, for one, am eternally grateful that Scott took a chance on me.  He has blessed my life in so many ways.  I look forward to a thousand more years of together with him.

Here's a look back at our last 20 years.

And happy anniversary to my husband, my kids' dad, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my cheerleader, my tutor, and my toes-warmer.  I love you more now than ever and hope that our love will continue to flourish as we grow old(er) together.

Antithetical Christmas Letter, or The Peterson Family Country Song of 2012

Over the course of the past twenty years, I have sent out a yearly Christmas letter to our family and friends.

On the surface, it's an account of what our family has been up to over the course if that year.

But the truth is, it's really a type of brag. Look at the cool job my husband has, look at the awesome things my children have accomplished, look at how well I juggle my busy life. 

2012 has left me a little bitter and without desire to send out a family letter.  I have nothing to brag about and I don't care to hear anyone else's bragging, either.

Other people's letters kind of feel that they are rubbing it in....that their life is better than mine. 

So, this year will forever been known as our Country Song Year. 

You know about country songs...the ones where the singer loses everything?

Yeah, that was a lot of our year.

So here is our Antithesis of a Christmas Letter. 

In early April, Scott lost his job. Actually, we know where it is, but he was let go.  And he was no longer allowed to tutor. 

Two days after that, one of our cats died. 

Scott found another job in late May, but it wasn't teaching and it was for significantly less pay. 

Because it was a huge cut in pay, we found that we needed to do some financial restructuring and one of those things included short selling our home and moving into a different ward and stake. 

As if that wasn't enough, my last living grandparent passed away unexpectedly just a few weeks ago.

Life has just been one hit after another for us this year.

It's kind of really sucked. 

However, I don't want you to think that doom and gloom are the prevalent philosophy in our lives. 

But I'm not going to brag about the small stuff, the things that in the eternal scheme of things...just don't matter. 

I will tell you that now our family is closer, we communicate better, and we know what is truly important.

The relationships we have with each other, and with our Heavenly Father are the things that have been strengthened. 

The jobs, the house, the accolades, the THINGS...not vital. 

So here's the takeaway:

(1) Life really sucks sometimes,

(2) But God still cares for His children,

(3) And family is what it is all about. 

This is what I know. 

And I don't think I'm going to send out any more Christmas letters.

Bragging just isn't cool. Or necessary. 

Summer Summary

School starts today!  So, per new school year tradition, here's what I did on my summer vacation:

1.  I moved our family two miles up the road.  My Sienna became quite the moving van.

2.  I sent my daughter to Ecuador.  I missed her more than I realized.

3.  I decluttered.  I D.I.'ed.  I chucked stuff into the garbage.  It's been therapeutic.

4.  I sent my oldest son on several camping outings.  And he seemed to come back an inch taller each time.

5.  I saw my family more this summer than I have in two years.  It was great.

6.  I drove sans hubby to see my family more this summer than I have in two years.  Despised it.

7.  I slept.  Until ten in the morning.  Don't hate me.

8.  I baked.  I cooked. I played homemaker again.  LOVED it.

9.  I went to IKEA.  That must be what heaven is like.  At least for me.

10.  I soaked in as much free time as I could, because as of today, it all ends for the next two years.  That is a very sad ending to this tale.

The End.

I Will Remember You

It has been a tumultuous six months for our family and we have finally settled into a new home and a sort of new 'normal'.

This morning, I read a Facebook post from a friend that left me reflecting on the homes that we have lived in over the past 13 years.

It caused me to stop and look back...with a smile on my face....at the people and families that have touched my life and also that of my family.  Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You" has been running through my head all day as I've pondered.

Athens Bay (Picture via Google Maps....there was a front door there, I swear!)

Our first home, which we now refer to as Athens Bay, was a modest little home.  It was located in a new community that had lots of families in the same situation we were in.  Just starting out in a career, a couple of small children and knowing there would be more on the way....we seemed to fit right in.  We became close with several of the families through a babysitting co-op that was started and it also morphed into a dinner co-op as well.  The same age children were also of the same gender and it was a great time for us.  So to the Wilsons, Ramseys, Ouzounians, Coxs, and later the Murdocks....I will always cherish the time we spent in that neighborhood with you.

Point Break

Our next home (which we just left) will be known as Point Break.  This home started out with many members of the church in the neighborhood, but most of them moved away over the eight years we were there.  We developed many wonderful friendships with our ward and our kids once again had kids close in age and also fairly close by that they played and interacted with.  This was the home where our children went from little ones to big ones!  (Especially Zacharry.)  All of our testimonies grew as a result of those we associated with in our ward.  Many ward members have gone on to other places and I'm so grateful for all of them, both those who have left and those who are still there.  While Athens Bay was where we had a very special time, Point Break is where we grew up....all of us.  To the Loves, Watkins (Watki!), Cardalls, Brodericks, and countless others, thank you.  Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your lives and for being a major part in ours.  The blessings we have received from knowing you are innumerable.

Cedar Bird

And now here we are.  Cedar Bird.  Who knows how long we will be here?  Or how much our children will change in the time we are here?  Many in this new ward have said that we will love it here.  I'm sure we will.  Moving to this home was not something I imagined six months ago, but I look forward to the memories we will make and the friendships that will be forged.  Brianna and Zacharry will most likely graduate from high school while we live here.  Perhaps then it's onto missions for the both of them.  I expect to start my career in nursing in this time, as well.  Pediatrics is where I want to go, but who knows what path the Lord will put me on?  Will Scott stay in his current job?  Will Noodle go to public high school or will we turn to online education for him?  It's almost like a soap opera....dah-dah-DUM!

So it's stay tuned for now.  I'm curious as to how this is all going to turn out.  But I'm positive it will be another adventure that I'll look back on....and smile.

Perspective

Fall 2012

Today is my 39th birthday.

How I got this old is beyond me.

I don't FEEL 39.

I'm not sure if I look 39 or not, but in my 39 years on this earth, I'm still figuring some things out.

A big one is becoming comfortable in my own skin.

I have struggled my whole life with the way I look.

About 11 years ago, I was obese.

Not heavy.  Not overweight.  Obese.

A healthy BMI (body mass index) is 18.5 - 24.9.

11 years ago, I was at a BMI of 35.

Obesity is at a BMI of 30 or greater.

11 years ago, I saw a video of myself and knew I had to change.  I wasn't yet 30, so I knew that time was still on my side.  My youth could help me get fit.  Type II diabetes runs in my family, and I did not want to end up a diabetic, not while I could do something to prevent it.

So I changed my eating habits.  Started exercising.  Was more careful of the food I put in my body.  The weight started coming off.  Within five months, I was down 60 pounds.  A year after I started my journey, I had lost more than 80 pounds.

Somehow, it didn't make me happy with how I looked.  I still had stocky legs, a paunch of a tummy, and cellulite and worse yet...stretch marks from LOSING weight.

I stopped weighing myself at that point.  I had become completely obsessed with the number on the scale.  If it was up, I became cranky and moody.  If it was down, I was elated.  I came to the conclusion that if my clothes still fit, I was just fine.

I haven't weighed myself since.

My legs are still short and stocky and with two episodes of blood clots in my left leg, they are definitely NOT short-skirt worthy.

But they are legs that I inherited from pioneer ancestors who were strong, who learned to stand on their own two feet, follow God, and make their own way in the world despite challenges and adversity.

My tummy is still paunchy, despite the sit-ups, crunches and yoga I do daily to tighten it up.

But my tummy is is reminder of the four children I have given birth to, three of which are here on earth and one is in heaven waiting for me to hug her.

My cellulite will always remain, no matter how much water I drink or what I eat.

But my cellulite will keep me modest in a swimsuit.  No way am I going to flaunt that!

My stretchmarks have stuck around, even though I've slathered on moisturizers to minimize them, rubbed on cocoa butter to banish them.  They're here to stay.

But my stretch marks are my badge of honor in the war I waged to become healthy.  And  I continue to fight everyday.  (Except Saturdays.  Those are my days to indulge.)

The weight demons that dogged me 11 years ago haven't left.  I struggle with them daily.  Sometimes, they keep me on the healthy path.  Sometimes, they are so overwhelming that it's all I can do to tune them out.  I suspect they will always be with me.

While I hate those demons, I know that they are keeping me in line, and they also turn me to my Heavenly Father when they are shouting at me and I feel like I'm going to buckle under their constant barrage of criticism.  He knows me.  He loves me.  Stocky legs and all.

Hearing God Laugh

That title may sound a bit sacriligous, but I mean no harm by it.

You've heard the addage, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."

I think He may have been rolling on the floor with laughter for me a few times by now.

Here were my plans (note the past tense being used), and how they turned out......

-Marry a return missionary in the Logan Temple, stay in Utah and raise five children.
     End result:  I did marry a very wonderful return missionary, I did get married in the Logan temple, but I ended up in Las Vegas and had three children.

-Adopt a baby girl from a Central American country.
     End result:  We started out with one agency and were attempting adoption in El Salvador, then changed to Guatemala, then changed AGAIN to LDS Family Services.  We then felt that we were no longer supposed to adopt, so it never happened.

-Stay in Las Vegas, have all our children graduate high school, get my BSN degree (and my RN license), have Sweetie retire from teaching, and then start working on serving a mission with my forever companion.
   End result:  (This one is still in progress)  As it stands currently, we will not be staying in Las Vegas.  Sweetie was let go from his teaching position and may not ever return to the classroom.  Our oldest is looking at changing high schools for the third time in three years...and will finish school in a totally different state.  My schooling is now on hold for at least a year while we settle into a new home and I get residency status (because I am NOT paying out of state tuition!), so that RN license is also on hold.  The mission will still happen...but may be delayed.

Aligning my will to God's has been a challenge, to be sure.  But as my life has taken a dramatic turn in the past six weeks, I've learned a lot about myself and my relationship with Him. 

I've learned that I'm still far from completely understanding His ways. 

I've learned that patience in trials doesn't come when I expect it to and that the trial will always last much longer than I want it to.  Like a child in time-out, I can't just tell God that I'm done now and I've learned the lesson He wants me to learn. 

I've learned that He sends little miracles and blessings (which I call Sparrow Moments....because His eye is on the sparrow and He watches over the least of His creatures, including me), along the way during adversity to help bolster my faith and to keep me hopeful, to remind me that He has not forgotten me and my family. 

I've learned that if I watch for those miracles, I am more grateful and willing to endure the hard times. 

I've learned that when I think the trial may be coming to an end, it's usually not and I need to hold on to Him just a bit more to get through it.

I've learned where I need to turn to find my core of inner peace and what is it I should to do maintain it.

I've also learned that when all is said and done, I want to be able to stand before my Heavenly Father and tell him I was willing to submit to all He wanted me to go through.  Because of the trials I endured, I will be able to be with Him someday because I was refined in His fire. 

That is my goal and I hope that I can make Him pleased with me.

To My Sweet Sixteen-Year-Old...

Me and my girlie....Fall 2011.

Dearest Brianna:
This day marks a milestone for you.  You're 16! While I could curl up into a ball in the corner and cry about how fast my Baby Girl has grown, I've decided to give you some advice as you continue to march boldly into Young Womanhood that will lead you shortly to Womanhood.  I've been where you are, so I feel a little entitled (especially since I AM your mother) to dispense my words of wisdom to you.

(1)  Only YOU can bring yourself happiness.  What you wear, who you date, and those you call friends can't determine how happy you are.  Only when you make good choices and remain patient in adversity, can you be happy and feel joy.  Chocolate sometimes helps, though.

(2)  Dating is FUN!  Go on dates that will make good lasting memories and help forge friendships that will last.  Boyfriends at this point in your life aren't necessary.  You have so much to experience and do that a boyfriend will only hinder the possibilities you have.  Kissing is still VERY off-limits.

(3)  You ARE beautiful.  ALWAYS.  Your outer shell is just that.  A shell.  Your intellect, your wit, your kindness, your spirit...those are what make you truly beautiful.  No one should be able to make you feel otherwise.  If they do, they are no good for you.  And you don't need them.

(4)  Your potential is LIMITLESS.  You are at a point in your life where everything is open to you.  So take advantage of every chance to try new things!  It's still o.k. if you don't know what you want to be when you grow up.  Take classes in school that will challenge you.  Take classes that sound wildly interesting, even if they have nothing to do with what your 'major' is.  You never know what God wants you to be unless you seek out all sorts of different opportunities!  Your dreams can be realized, just go out and get them!

(5)  Lastly, remember WHO you are.  Remember you are loved more than you will ever know.  Your Heavenly Father loved you enough to let you come here to earth.  Your father and I are so grateful you chose to be in our family.  When friends let you down, know that your earthly family and your Heavenly Parents will always be near to comfort you and wipe away your tears.  You are so important to Him and to us.  NEVER forget that.

The past few years have really been so much fun with you.  I can't wait to see what your future holds.  You are awesome, amazing, hilarious, and I'm so honored to be your mom.  Happy birthday to my Sweet Girl.  I love you so much!
Mom.

One Good Man

That's all it takes.

One good man to lead the way.

I'm married to one.

I was reminded of this fact this past weekend.

A friend of mine has an adorable little boy who was diagnosed with Burkitt's lymphoma just over four weeks ago.

He started chemotherapy within days of his diagnosis.

As a result, he started losing his hair about two weeks ago.

Another friend had the idea to have a head shaving party for those wanting to show this cute boy how much he is loved and that bald is cool.

I talked to both of my sons about them possibly shaving or buzzing their heads in support.

They balked.

My husband contemplated it, and in a moment of sheer spontaneity, said quietly to me, "Let's do it."

He and I snuck outside, hair clippers in hand.....and shaved off his hair.

He wasn't completely bald, but mostly so.

The kids were quite shocked.

But that was all it took.

The next day, Sweetie took a razor to the rest of his hair and then I shaved the hair off both of my sons.

All because their dad lead the way.

Set the example.

I'm proud of my boys for standing up like men and supporting one sick little guy who could use all the love and support he can get right now.

And I'm so lucky.

I married one good man.

She said 'YES'!...A Reflection On Marriage....

Fall 2011

Sweetie and I recently celebrated our anniversary.  It happened to be our 'golden' anniversary...the one where we commemorated 19 years of married life on the 19th of December.  In light of that, we purchased a small, inexpensive band that I can wear alone when I begin the nursing program and also later in my nursing career.  As we walked out of the jewelry store, I asked Sweetie if he would wait and give it to me on our anniversary.  He agreed.
Our anniversary consisted of taking our whole family to see Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson in concert and then to dinner.  We figured it's our family's birthday as well as our anniversary, so why not celebrate it together?  The kids and I are huge (like GINORMOUS) Jon and Steven (aka The Piano Guys) fans and the opportunity to see them perform was one we just could not pass up.  The concert was amazing and as we were driving to our restaurant, Sweetie took a slight detour to the temple.  The temple grounds were decorated for Christmas and Sweetie wanted us to walk around the temple.  It was quite chilly and I had only brought a light sweater, but I decided to play along....it would make for a great family memory. 
As we reached the front of the temple, Sweetie gathered us all around and told our three beautiful children that exactly nineteen years ago that day, he took me to a temple nearly as old as that one and married me for eternity.  It was then I clued into what he was doing.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the box with the ring.  Our fifteen-year-old daughter, as full of romance as any teenage girl would be, also caught on and got all excited and said, "Get down on one knee!  Get down on one knee!"  Sweetie did and proposed to me again like he did just over nineteen years ago.  Anner was just beaming and jumping up and down.  I said yes.  She yelled over and over, "She said yes!!  She said yes!!"  There were many families there that night that I'm sure thought that this was a single mom who just got engaged.
I've thought alot about that moment. 
How my boys needed to see their dad be romantic and sweet to his wife. 
How my daughter needed to see how a woman should be treated and loved by her husband. 
I've also thought about my daughter's reaction to my answer. 
I wonder if our children were there at our first proposal in August 1992.  If they stood around us, with baited breath, waiting for my answer.  If they jumped up and down and yelled with joy, "She said yes!  She said yes!"
Because my 'yes' meant they would be able to come to this earth...for us to be a family here and not just in the pre-existence.
Did I do the same when my parents got engaged?
I've been blessed with parents who have been amazing examples of how marriage should be.  They are not perfect people, by any means, but they are people who have been willing to put their shoulder to the wheel TOGETHER and work hard TOGETHER to get through tough times.  I've heard them argue, but I've also heard them be sweet and kind and tender to each other.  They still kiss after every prayer over a meal.  They still hold hands when they walk even after nearly 40 years of marriage.  They have what I want and what Sweetie and I strive for.
We're not perfect, either.  Marriage is hard.  Taking two people with two different backgrounds and melding those two is work.  We've definitely had our ups and downs.  The ups are phenomenal, and the downs....well, we just struggle and climb through them the best we can.  But we're committed to each other.  And the fact that we can be husband and wife forever. 
Friends in our lives may come and go, but the two of us will always remain.  Sweetie will eternally be my best friend.  He is my lighter side, the part of me that reminds me to let go a little, and not obsess so much over the little things.  I am his organizer, the one who keeps him on time and on schedule.  As we have grown together, we have found ways where we compliment each other...fill in where the other lacks.
As corny as it sounds, he really DOES complete me.
And I love him all the more for it.
So while we've been together for 19 years, we have so many more years to work to make our marriage perfect...in fact, we have eternity to get it right.
Just as long as we keep trying.
Together.

I Hereby Resolve.....again.....

My goals for this upcoming year are few.  Last year I think I was a little overzealous.  So here's what I would like to do for 2012:

*Finish the Book of Mormon with Noodle by his birthday in April and with the family by the end of the year.  Noodle is in late Helaman and the family is in early Alma.  I think this is definitely doable.

*Run in two 5k races, one in the spring and one in the fall.  I don't know what ones yet, but since I've stretched my running distance out, I might as well do something with it.

*Read more of what I want and not just textbooks.  I have about four books that I want to read and so even if I only read one page a night, it will still be something that I take pleasure in and not something I'm assigned to do.

That's it.  If I can do those few things by the end of this year and manage to keep my balance between family, calling and school, 2012 will be a smashing success.

Bring it on!